Need a Winter Distraction? Here's a Lindsay-Paris Cat Fight Update

Oh my goodness!
Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton reportedly had a huge cat-fight at a pre-Grammy party this past Saturday. Both were hoping that music producer Timbaland (whoever the heck that is), who has worked with the likes of Justin Timberlake, Nelly Furtado, etc., would help revive their music careers.

WHAT music careers...?

Reportedly, when Paris arrived at said soiree, Lindsay pointed at her and said "What the (expletive) is that (expletive) doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." Paris reportedly responded by spewing a slew of profanities.

Now, because daughter #1 was home with the flu last week, I had the opportunity to see an episode of Ellen, which featured a guest appearance by Paris, before I left the house to go to work. (This is because when you have the flu, there is nothing quite like holing up on the couch with a cup of tea and a good dose of Ellen, and that is what daughter #1 was doing).

Anyway, can I just say that Paris Hilton is the most vapid woman I think I have ever encountered? Can she possibly BE that dumb? Or is she just acting that way because it gets her SOME kind of media attention? Seriously. The woman admits to having 17 dogs because she couldn't bear to give their puppies away. Ie., she never had her dogs neutered. That sent Ellen into a tizzy, let me tell you.

And it's not even the lack of common pet sense that gets me. It's her entire demeanor. She looks as if she tilts her head a certain way on purpose because she has decided it results in the camera getting her best angle. Vapid ... and vain. Lately, I think her new hairstyle makes her look like a young Martha Stewart on a diet. Seriously. Just think how many people would maybe admire her if she showed even a morsel of the intelligence Martha has. (And I'm not being nice to Martha here... I'm just sayin'.)

Cleavage: Nature or Nurture?

While we're on the subject of cleavage, we have a question. Well, Meghan specifically has a question. Do hours of dancing lead to less cleavage? She is concerned that the weight she has lost from hours of dancing (and better nutrition, I might add) have resulted in the shrinkage of her cleavage-creating body parts. So at her request, I am posing the question to a.) older sibling who danced a lot during her teens and b.) younger sibling who teaches an Honors Health class (but who is really a lousy Scrabble player... I'm just sayin').

Daughter No. 2, by the way, remains thin as a rail despite eating hordes of junk food in a sitting (a box of Chips Ahoy, Cheeze-its and popcorn, most recently). And yet she may have more cleavage than her older sister. Although... nah, I just took another look. Maybe it's genetic.

In the meantime, I'll need to check out this buxom Italian tart of a chef on the Cooking channel. I was not aware of her until reading the most recent comments to my blog. "Molto bene!"

Cleavage, Cos' and Heath Ledger ...

I have decided to move away from a bright pink blog. One needs calmer, gentler colors when one is living in one's mid-40s. Did you know that women over 40 are not supposed to show their cleavage? Tell THAT to ... well, to someone in their mid-40s who shows their cleavage. I certainly don't. I have no cleavage to show. ;)

Last week, I interviewed Bill Cosby and a nationally known psychiatrist, Dr. Alvin Poussaint (who has been an adviser to Cosby for years) on their book "Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors." Great interview. It had to be done over the phone -- for some reason, my "top ten" list (a la super sib #1) would have to include the fact that I've interviewed some pretty cool people over the phone (Schilling, Kapler, JK Rowling, Cosby, Big Bird, Warren Rudman -- ok, that last one was a serious interview crapshoot...). Who cares if it's not in person? The coolest part is actually being able to say I talked to these people on the phone. It's kind of like Lily Tomlin, without the snorting, chortling and "one ringy-dingy..."

But let's move on. Can we discuss the whole Heath Ledger thing here? What on earth did this guy die of? Heart attack? Mary Kate Olson attack? Drug overdose? Suicide? Or is it really that he gets so stressed out about his work and personal life that he took sleeping pills to try to sleep and he ends up taking too many. I've been scouring my usual sources of salacious information on this one and I'm getting zip. The whole thing is incredibly sad. I've never seen so many people gasp in shock over a celebrity's death. And I've never been more annoyed about any kind of vague link to Mary Kate Olson.

Ciao for now. The teenagers are in a cat fight upstairs. And it isn't over cleavage.

Oh My!!!!

I must say, I do like a round of old-fashioned "pissed off"-ness every now and then. Great way to unload some stress. Sib #6 and her husband's comments about Christmas evoked strong responses from you both.

It's nothing new though, really. Apparently Sib 6 has always felt like an outcast among us. BUT, perhaps now the matriarch is finally tired of hearing it. I got the story from Mom after walking into her house the day after Christmas to say goodbye and hearing Andy on the phone basically saying "What do you MEAN you felt like an outsider? There were 18 people in that house last night! What the heck do you WANT?!" I asked mom a couple of days afterward during a phone call to find out what it was all about. That's how I found out Andy was talking to Sib 6.

But, again, I've heard this before. I think she had the same "lament" last year and she has a habit of trying to sugar-coat it with things like, "I try so hard but I don't know what to say and they don't really talk to me..." The thing that got me about this particular year is that Sean told Sib 6 he was OBSERVING us and had decided we had nothing in common with them. Mom was a little miffed by that too and went on and on about how he can monopolize you in a conversation that isn't interesting and interferes with you doing things that obviously need to be done (like when Sib 1 asked her husband to take care of something Christmas night and Sean had trapped him in some inane conversation and Don literally couldn't get away).

Here's my two cents on this:
1. She never offers to help with the dinner or the clean up afterward. NEVER. She just stands there or sits in the other room while Mom or I or you guys are clearing or cleaning.
2. Instead of joining us in a group, she sits on the livingroom couch with said husband and stares at all of us. How socially dysfunctional is that?
3. Kim is right. We all were watching her kid. And what really galled me was that Don could not come to the dinner table Christmas night because he was looking for the wild child's sippy cup.

What the hell was DON looking for the sippy cup?! And Missy and Sean knew this was happening and just sat there at the table. I actually went wild with mom over the phone on this and she agreed. She had seen it too.

Whatever. The matriarch says that Missy called a day later and never brought up the subject again. But someday, just someday I hope she brings it up with ME. Remember the bed from Mom's apartment and that whole incident? Jesus!

Oh my. That was decidedly stress relieving. What else can I unload on you guys... ;)

Slice, dice and other fall out...

Darlings, behold the citrus juicer and avocado slicer 2007! These are must-have items for an obsessive chef husband. Without prompting on my part, he has deemed it necessary to photograph his culinary handiwork with some of his newest Christmas-present kitchen aids (thanks in no small part to super sibling #1). Shouts of joy resonated from the kitchen this past weekend as he tried out these new gadgets. Suffice to say, he is one happy little cook.

On a related holiday note... I hear through the grapevine that sibling #6 and husband were feeling neglected once again over Christmas. In fact, said husband told his wife he was OBSERVING the rest of us and had decided he and sib #6 have nothing in common with us. THAT's interesting... Perhaps the 100-year-old Scotch did it. Even though I made a point of asking the non-drinkers if they'd like to try a sip. Apparently, sib #6 mentioned feeling like an outsider to the matriarch and the matriarch (and Andy, too, apparently) gave her an ear full about how ridiculous she was being. Which, I must say, is a mild bit of vindication for us all.

Happiest of New Years. Love from me.

Heartbreak City...

After days of nail-biting waiting, Meghan heard from NYU today regarding her Early Decision application. She didn't get in. A nice one-page letter about them getting a record number of early decision applications this year, blah, blah, blah... NYU doesn't do deferrals, so Meghan is out of the running. She was, to put it mildly, absolutely heartbroken. This was her No. 1 choice and in spite of our gentle cautions, she really had her heart set on it. It was hard for me to hear too -- as a parent you want to call the damn school up and say something like, 'So what's wrong with my child? I think she's brilliant and a very good investment!'

But it's not to be, I guess. All I can do is commiserate and encourage her to move on to thinking about her other schools. And there are several really great prospects, including two Early Action possibilities (Drexel in Philadelphia - which Howard and I are really rooting for; and Hofstra on Long Island). She is continuing to get her regular decision applications out, too: BU, UMass-Amherst (as a safety), Ithaca (???), American University in D.C.; Johnson & Wales (another safety school). God, is that even enough in this competitive time???

Wish us luck, you guys. I hate this already.

Too Late, Ladies of Nutrition...

Hanukkah Claus has succumbed to the request of Sibling #6. Behold the Masterbuilt Four Seasons Electric Digital Fryer ~ Steamer ~ Boiler. This device can accomplish the following (and I am NOT kidding; the amounts are exactly what it reads on the box):

(To the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas" ... Music, maestro...)

On the 25th Day of Christmas, Hanukkah Howard gave to meeeeee...

"10 pounds of crab legs
10 pounds of chicken fingers, french fries AND fried shrimp
6 pounds of boiled shrimp
5 pounds of buffalo wings
4 cornish hens
2 whole chickens
3 mounds of vegetables
A "low-country boil" (We don't actually know what this is...) for 10 people
and a 14 pound - big, honkin' - turkey"

OK, it doesn't say "big, honkin Turkey." It just says 14 pound turkey. But everything else, including the amounts, is word-for-word on the side of the box.

Shaun is going to have a monster food climax just gazing at this thing.